Day 1

Alright. Day 1. Didn’t smoke.

Since I know I have quit smoking I feel like smoking even more. Smoking came to my mind often, since earlier… especially I know most of the time I am alone and I could do whatever I want. This relatively small situation is slowly turning into a discussion about ethics, morals, health and even honor in my own head. Often think I had planned to stop on December 1st and it is not December 1st yet, but I recognize it as a silly excuse to smoke. I could go across the street and buy a cigarette box, but no… I am resisting it for myself. I was out with some friends and as everyone was smoking, I didn’t smoke. When they offer me to smoke it is hard to say no, it is like the old smokers around me didn’t want me to quit. They give very skeptical answers and looks at my rejections of their fags. I didn’t drink either. Physically my stomach feels like at the end of St. Patrick’s, then I stopped drinking for months.

Where did time go?

I didn’t speak long enough to any of my friends to know if I have done something retarded or not or even said something retarded. I apologized to most of them just in case or the very least for any inconvenience and I haven’t heard any special remark, but I just realize I miss a chunk of time because my flatmate complained about me waking him up when arriving early in the morning. I didn’t know he noticed when I arrived, but he said he heard me coming in at 6.30pm. My last recollection of time from that night was a bit over 2am, after I quit smoking.I found some more squabbling on my agenda that makes no sense. This had never happened to me before. It is awful.

Silver Lining

A silver lining has come through. I got a call to be interviewed for a job here in Aachen. I really needed not to be automatically rejected for once! A new question did come to my mind: Why am I sticking to Aachen? The question is not coming from the curious source that is eager to discover a new country, but from source that wonders what am I gaining from sticking here rather than in… Hamburg. Will think about that for a while. But in the meantime hooorrrray!